Saturday, February 21, 2009

Battle of the poems

Dunno which one to take for the lantern meet this sunday:

Option One: Finding Poetry

I pick up my pen
Trying desperately to trace a pattern
in this indefinite formless creation of mine,
i stare at a scribble on the blank pages of my mind.

Usually, i bleed poetry,
but the ink in my veins is frozen by mental poison
the academic mind sometimes injects into the creative mind
draining my imagination;
made blind to the things i used to draw inspiration.

I switch off the light bulb above my head.
Give up in frustration and retire to bed.
Lying still is only when i can feel it pulsate
from the rhythmic heartbeat of my soul,
hidden images and words within my mind begin to unfold...

Putting my mind into motion,
my hands help connect the dots,
Reveling a creation
from within my mind made
elucidate from the flowing ink of my blue-ball-point-pen

My blood boils
and spills unto the page,
Giving life to these words i had renounced as dead;
And i rejoice the return of the lost prodigy
the return of my companion poetry!

Option two: Raindrops from dry clouds

Like the fuel from a car my energy depletes me
Someone left the engine running,
Thoughts cloud my mind.
Thick dark and heavy like fumes
polluting the true blue brilliant sky.
Blocking the brainwaves of inspiration,
Causing scrambled stimulation,
My thoughts aren’t able to form and fly
Into the sky leaving streaks of poetic words and phrases,
Unlocking cages ,
Releasing the songs of caged birds.
Which for now, remain rustling in the folds of my mind.
Feeling creatively dry,
I damn these dark thoughtless clouds in the sky
Inhibiting me from flying...
I damn them!
And they damn me, in a crackle of thunder and lightning!
As if in response they begin to concentrate,
And the darkness of frustration begins to manifest,
Electric anger through the air vibrates
Breaking the tension of concentration.
The concentrated cloud of idle thoughts squeezes out :

A rain drop.



Onto my head,
seeps into my mind,
Forming a puddle of feelings and words
Which well strung
Into this piece of poetry.

The subject matter is similar but they are two different poems.
The second one bein an edited version of a recent post. Or was the original better?
I guess i'm looking for the best between the two...the one worth sharing at the meet.
what do you'll think?


Ugandan girl said...


hun i am so sleepy so i cant really help you out....let me get some sleep then come back...wat do you say..?

lulu said...

like the second one, raindrops....

Robyn said...

Second one.
mature poetry.i love.

normzo said...

So which one did u take.....??/coz i am already late for a suggestion isnt it.

eizzy.k said...

well, it started raining around the time i was ment to set off, so i decided the cold and wet boda ride wasnt worth it!

But i think i picked one...

your sugesstion would still be welcome!

Liz said...

Am I late on this one?

Think second is more mature but a bigger challenge to perform, coz the verbal intonation and imagery have to be in sync, plus newbies listening may not get it

The first is raw and straightforward, relatively easier to perform but lacks the relative complexity of verbal imagery that great poems so unforgatable. Vivid but mundane imagery.

ok, i have no intention of tellin u which to pick, really depends on what effect you want.

eizzy.k said...

the first one was written a while back...the second more recently.
i guess this mean's i've made some improvements! :-)

i don’t need to worry about performance right now, not planning a recital, just sharing.

i like the 2nd one tho.

eizzy.k said...

thanks y'all 4 ur comments...i took it (the 2nd one) and they loved it!

Sarah said...

girl this is SKILL!
i guess this is a common way of finding inspiration - writing about the lack of it ;)